Every organisation has samples and beacons of bullshit and daftness in its premises. We have to deal with these absolute a-holes every single day and most of us live to tell the tale, like I have. Here is a list of the most anger-provoking, exasperating, aggravating bunch of empty-headed homo sapiens, addressed as ‘co-workers’ who we wish were never born.
1 The Intruder
These nosy nancies are the ones who annoy the shit out of you by peeking into your bag without permission, asking you personal questions like how many times a month you shave your privates and practically invade your desk every half an hour. They never understand the concept of ‘private and personal space’ as their need to know about your sex life is like a drunk’s need for rum.
Solution: Do NOT let them into your space. Being nice to them will only lead to utter destruction of your little space bubble you have built around you. Shoo them away once and for all..!
2 The Kiss-ass
They’ll do ANYTHING to get their work done. Mostly inefficient and lax, they rely on their ass-licking and ego-massaging skills to please the likes of janitors, clerks, colleagues, boss, boss’s boss, by treating them like Gods. They’re boss’s informers, and mostly do not take sides during any fight. They also lack courage to stand up for themselves, and never gain many friends through their false flattery.
Solution: These people are easy to spot as they will be frequenting boss’s cabin every few minutes.
3 The Glutton
They make you want to yell like Ross Geller “WHO ATE MY SANDWICH???” like he does in Friends. These are mostly fun to hang out with. They’re always hungry, and will have tonnes of food in their bag or keep ordering stuff from restaurants. However, they’re never satisfied. It is a compulsive need for them to go and hog on every single tiffin box in the office. It’s hard for them to understand that not everyone has the interest to eat outside food, and prefer home made food which they bring FOR THEMSELVES!
Solution: Eat your tiffin in misery and in hiding, OR add some overdose laxative in your tiffin and offer it to them one day. They will NEVER want to steal your food again.
4 The Chimney
Making another Friends reference, when Rachel just HAD to smoke because her coworkers thought it was cool and productive? Remember?
Tea/Coffee and cigarettes, food and cigarettes, juice and cigarettes, wine and cigarettes, oxygen and cigarettes! They smoke like chimneys, hence the name. Sometimes, you might want to go out with them, but the smell of nicotine makes you want to puke but you cant out of politeness. If around, you either have to inhale the passive smoke, or die of asphyxiation by holding your breath.
Solution: Stay away as much as you can. They might even be nice people, or even your boss, but active or passive, smoking is bad either ways.So make it clear that you’re uncomfortable with the smoke and are more open to a form of bonding exercise that doesn’t kill.
5 The time bomb
They live because the clock exists. They come no later and no before 10.00 and leave at 17.00 sharp and stay glued to their seats all the while. Extension of work deadline is like early Christmas for us… But for them, their deadline is always yesterday. Mostly seen panicking, they are not a second here or there. It’s like the hands of the clock are giving them some perverted pleasure (pun intended obvi). If you’re late, they give you the stink eye, and may be even complaint to the boss!
Solution: None really for these people, since punctuality isn’t a crime, really.
6 The Live Telecaster/ Gossiper
They know what the boss brings for lunch, where the janitor takes his wife for date, which wine is your favourite and how the hot guy in the office is in bed without even having talked to them. They’re relatively harmless, but still can do a great deal of damage and dent your reputation if they get a hold of something important to you.
Solution: If they target you, hit the shit outta them. If not, avoid interaction with them since they will always have the reputation of being gossipers of the office.
7 The war monger
Either you fight, or I do. These absolute puddingbrains just need to pass snide comments on others, and if anyone reacts, God help them! They can fight from issues as petty as why you took their pen without their permission to just being plain jealous if you leave work early for some personal reasons. They’re THE most pathetic losers who are universally hated.
Solution: IGNORE them. Responding to idiots makes you a bigger one. Take deep breaths, because you won’t look good in prison stripes and move on.
8 The Know-it-all
Heavens! These are the second-worst after the war mongers. They know exactly what shade of black will flatter your skin tone and which food in what proportion will not make you fart. They make it look like they know all about Barack Obama’s routine affairs and like they regularly have tea with Her Highness in England. In reality, they’re as incompetent as the losers you see on weekends at the bar drinking away their incompetence (perhaps the drunks in the bar are these know-it-alls?)
Solution: They deserve unapologetic crisp high fives. On their faces.
One more just for fun… 
9 The diplomat
They love everybody. Even if everybody does not love them. They’re the shining beacon of everything Gandhi and Mother Teresa preached. Even if you treat them like shit, they keep their opinion and reactions to themselves (which is good, in a way). They never have fights, (but can create many), they know all the secrets of the office, and can bring about a tsunami of fights, not creating even a ripple of change in their own life.
Solution: DO NOT TRUST THEM. EVER. But learn how they handle crap with such calm.
10 The backstabber
Honey-sugar-treacle sweet to the face, stab in the back by breaching your trust, complaining tot he boss, leaking your private details, etc . ’nuff said. These manipulative two faced two bit tramps are worth every name you call them.
Solution: Beware as this species can ruin your career, and are mostly hard to recognize at first. BE WARY OF FALSE KINDNESS AND FLATTERY.
Alternate solution: Pee in their coffeemaker. Avoid that coffee forever/ Spread all their secrets. *evil grin*
Pakaamat 